What It's Like To Be In Love When You Have Depression

I constantly worry about pushing him away because I become very reclusive when I feel depressed. I don’t like to cry in front of him because I fear that he’ll get sick of it. And worst of all I avoid telling him about how I’m feeling or what’s on my mind. He’ll say “tell me what’s on your mind” and I reply “nothing” and both him & I know that it’s not ‘nothing’ but I don’t want to be bothersome. I want to be held and comforted but at the same time I don’t want him to grow tired of me constantly feeling this way.

I’m drunk, sad and want to cut.

Help?